A few years ago, I was living in a cockroach-infested party house in Lisbon.
I was overweight from bingeing 2-for-1 pizzas, using food as my emotional coping mechanism.
I was chronically socially anxious. I had no direction.
I was hiding in my room playing video games, working a job I had zero interest in—writing SEO content for a drop-shipping company.
Looking back, all of this was just a symptom of something much deeper.
I wasn’t just lost. I wasn’t just struggling.
I was completely passive.
I had no control over my life.
No confidence. No direction. And no ability to change it.
And that’s what I want to talk about today—5 signs of passivity in men, why it’s so dangerous, and how to break free from it.
But before we jump in—my name is Oliver, and on this channel, I’m walking the path of authenticity, integrity, truth, and freedom—and helping other men do the same.
The worst part? I thought passivity was normal.
I thought this was just ‘how life is.’
But it’s not.
And this was the first major sign that I was living passively…
Sign #1: A passive man tolerates unfulfilling work
Passive men are often trapped in the rat race doing unfulfilling work just to pay bills.
They have no connection to their work.
They tell themselves “This is just how it is.”
They stay comfortable — procrastinating for years or even decades on committing to finally going after work that excites them.
This was me, working as a fitness instructor when I knew my soul craved something greater than to work in a big corporate gym.
When you finally reclaim your place as the leader of your own life — you put yourself on the path of being able to follow your highest excitement and get paid to do what you want to do.
For me, that was travelling the world writing, creating and guiding others from the comfort of my laptop.
Ask yourself this—if you were completely free to do what you wanted, what would you build? What life would you create? And if you’re not starting now—why?
Be brutally honest with yourself.
Sign #2: A passive man lives at the mercy of his emotions
Passive men are often driven by their emotions and past wounds.
And this is what keeps them stuck in cycles of procrastination, lethargy, fear and self-sabotage.
This is deadly for the soul.
Because with your wounds in charge, you aren’t living a new year every year.
You are living the same year 10 times.
Your life is essentially a replaying of the survival strategies you’ve been using since childhood that you still haven’t healed yet.
For example — my go-to coping mechanisms as an adult are video games and eating junk food because that’s what I always used to cope with my emotions as a kid.
I recently got a handle on the video games and kicked my junk food habit 6 months ago. Most of this was a result of healing the emotional wounding that made these habits appealing in the first place.
When you become a self-leader, you learn to handle your emotions without needing coping mechanisms or self-sabotaging strategies to feel safe.
This allows you to finally make real progress with your goals in life because instead of running from discomfort — you embrace it and move into it.
Ask yourself this — what would you do if fear or self-sabotage no longer got in your way? What life would you build?
Sign #3: A passive man is indecisive
A passive man is an indecisive man.
This is because he lacks awareness of his values, and what he genuinely wants or authentically needs.
He constantly seeks permission from other people.
He needs validation or approval to take action.
He’s afraid of making mistakes.
This is why he procrastinates on making decisions — leading to him feeling powerless to change anything with zero trust in himself.
A self-leader is a man who makes bold decisions in:
- where he lives
- who he surrounds himself with
- how he spends his time
- what kind of work he does
- what kind of partner and relationship he wants
- what he puts into his body (drugs, alcohol etc)
This is because he knows what his values, standards and priorities are.
The most important voice in his life is the voice of his inner compass — not the fleeting opinions of other people.
Being free to make mistakes, trigger disapproval and get things wrong — he becomes a bold action taker who people look to for guidance.
Ask yourself this — What decisions are you avoiding making right now? What fears are driving your avoidance? What’s one decision you can make within 5 minutes after watching this video?
Sign #4: A passive man has poor boundaries
Passive men are pushovers.
They are Mr. Nice guys who are afraid to rock the boat.
They are terrified of conflict and of upsetting anyone for any reason.
They play the chameleon — warping their personality into what they think would gain the approval of others.
They have no idea what a boundary is — so they have none.
Having no boundaries — they tolerate bad behaviour consistently and often attract toxic partners or emotionally abusive relationship dynamics.
But a self-leader is a man with rock-solid self-respect.
He does not allow anyone to disrespect him.
He asserts himself boldly and communicates his needs authentically.
He dares to be disliked by people and lives by the mantra — “I am here to be respected, not to be liked.”
He has a strong personality and shares it boldly with other people.
His relationships are ones of respect and admiration because he doesn’t tolerate any less.
Answer this — What are you currently tolerating from other people? What conversations are you currently avoiding? How are you letting others walk all over you? What boundaries do you need to set?
Sign #5: A passive man speaks to himself disrespectfully
A passive man is his own worst enemy.
The heartbreaking truth is — we consistently tolerate what we think we deserve.
And a passive man doesn’t believe he deserves much.
So he accepts shitty relationships, shallow friendships and unfulfilling work in an uninspiring location.
All because the worst thing he has learned to accept is the cruel critical voice in his head convincing him that he doesn’t deserve anything better.
But a self-leader is a man who is his own best friend.
When he inevitably makes mistakes — he dusts himself off with encouragement and gets back on the horse.
He demands the best for himself with his health, his wealth and his relationships.
Because he now treats himself as someone he loves and wants the best for.
Answer me this — How long will you wait before demanding the best for yourself? If you loved yourself completely, is this the kind of life you would accept?
Drop a comment below and let me know which one of these resonated with you the most.
Stay courageous,
Oliver