Like most people, I've had an on/off relationship with online dating apps.
Swiping endlessly and getting no matches. The cycle of delete/download. Talking to women I knew I wasn't into just so I could feel some validation that I wasn't totally undesirable.
After a while, I started to seriously wonder whether it was because I was just fundamentally unattractive to women and if this would ever change. It was pretty fucked up.
However, over the past year, I've made some changes that have transformed my relationship with dating apps. It happened gradually and now I get about 6 decent matches a week and go on 1 - 4 dates per week from them (if I want).
Dating apps (when you get it right) can be one of the best, low effort/reward ratio ways to meet women. You literally get women raising their hand to meet you as you go about your day and it doesn't require you to go out to clubs etc. It's perfect for natural introverts like myself.
Now, I want to share what I believe made the biggest difference for me.
Hopefully, it serves as food for thought...
Mix up your photos.
I know you're supposed to get high-quality photos. This is obvious. However, this isn't a LinkedIn profile. If you have nothing but unnaturally high quality photos it can become unrelatable and a little too contrived. I have a couple of high-quality photos but also some shots of me doing cool shit (falling off a surfboard, wild-camping etc) which are a bit more rough and real.
Get feedback on those photos.
Ask your female friends for feedback on photos. Honestly, you'll get some really valuable insights. Sometimes we just don't know how we're coming across. If you don't want to do this with people you know, try using https://www.photofeeler.com/ to get anonymous feedback.
Suggest a date within 2 - 4 messages.
I used to have these long drawn out conversations online that would eventually die no matter what. I was too scared to ask her out and because I didn't have an abundance of opportunities I was too afraid of screwing it up. However, when I started boldly suggesting dates within the first 2 - 4 messages, things got WAY better. More dates and less time-wasting with women who weren't that into me. Remember, the whole point of dating apps is to go on dates. Make it happen quickly.
Have a fun date idea with a suggested time and place.
Take the lead on it and playfully invite her to join you. Be decisive and go first. Be flexible of course but definitely have a plan in mind. P.s. do not suggest the movies. Just...no.
Start saying no more often.
This is more of a dating mindset idea in general but it totally applies. Start becoming the chooser. Write down exactly what you're looking for in a woman. What are your big boxes (non-negotiables) and small boxes (preferable but not essential)? Something weird started happening when I became the chooser in this way. It's as though women could sense the lack of neediness and the journey from match to date became way smoother and easier in general.
Write a good bio.
Honestly, take your time writing a decent bio that expresses your personality. Get inspiration online but don't copy. For example, my bio right now is:
"My perfect morning is drinking coffee on a sun-soaked balcony with soul music caressing my (ridiculously tiny) ears. Ask me about the cheesy horror movie-themed drinking game I invented. Swipe right if ... ✅ You take care of yourself ✅ You're passionate about something ✅ You enjoy an adventure"
This bio works for me because it's fun, expresses my personality and communicates that I've got standards and won't just swipe on anyone who'll have me. It also gives her an idea of the good times we might share if we match and date.
There's more to it but this list is the gist of what's made the biggest difference for me.
P.s. if you enjoyed reading this and are interested in levelling up your dating life, book a call with me.