I'm Oliver Cowlishaw.
I run a coaching company that helps men from around the world heal, become genuinely self-confident and create amazing relationships.
My YouTube channel has helped countless men transform their lives & I run a men's personal development group and retreats in Lisbon, Portugal.
I do all of this why?
Because when it comes to relationships, confidence & emotional well-being...I was once the one who needed help the most.
When I was 22 my world turned upside down.
My girlfriend, who I had been with for 5 years, left me for another man.
This threw my life into complete chaos. I felt deeply broken, undesirable and unattractive. I thought that if the person who knew me the most didn't want me, I must be fundamentally broken in some way.
To repair my wounded ego, I learned quickly how to sleep with women. At the time, I needed the validation. I needed to know that I was lovable and a woman wanting to sleep with me was evidence of that, or so I thought.
I learned how to charm and seduce. I learned how to put on the act of being a confident extrovert despite being a thoughtful, geeky introvert at heart.
Over the following couple of years after, I slept with countless women.
It was fun. Good sex always is. But after a while I started to feel hollow afterwards.
I couldn't understand why I felt so empty inside despite having had an amazing sexual experience the night before.
But soon I realised that it was down to one thing...
I was putting on an act.
I was attempting to win the approval of women by being super extroverted, extra nice and witty.
Deep down I thought that my authentic, weird, introverted self could never be liked (let alone loved) by anyone.
But the hollowness. The emptiness. It started to become all consuming.
Eventually, I had to reflect. Something had to change. After reading Models by Mark Manson (amazing book), I began doing what was previously unthinkable. I started being authentic. Fearlessly.
On dates, I started talking about my weird obsession with fantasy voice acting. I revealed my tendency to binge on video games and pizza when I'm stressed. I admitted that I slept in my older brother's bed until I was 10 because I was afraid of zombies.
And much, much more.
Expecting to be abandoned and left completely alone, I was shocked to find that after revealing who I really was...
Women didn't abandon me. They didn't leave me. They certainly didn't refuse to get naked with me.
In fact, I began to experience deeper and more powerful emotional connection. The women I went on dates with started opening up to me about their imperfections and struggles in life. We started sharing something different. Something deeper. Without the performance, I experienced a feeling of connection to the woman in front of me.
My confidence which used to be fake, became real. I stopped feeling exhausted from being around people. The anxiety went away. I often caught myself setting boundaries and expressing myself in free and direct ways. I started going for the kiss without hesitation. I made clear my intentions and desires (which they often love, by the way).
Most importantly, my inner civil war ended.
And pretty quickly, I stopped feeling so hollow after spending time with a woman. The sex got 100x better, even on first dates!
It turns out, what I deeply desired in my relationships was to see her and be seen by her.
But my fake performance was making this impossible.
It was only after revealing the hidden parts of myself to women that I started to truly heal. I learned that some wounds can only be resolved in the presence of another.
If those original wounds occurred in the context of intimate relationships, that rule applies double.
Now, I help men find that same confidence that I found.
I help them know who the fuck they are and what they want. I help them express themselves clearly and directly. I help them go for what they want and not be so apologetic about it.
I also help men create the kind of amazing relationships, sex and deep intimacy that I now experience.
And here are three principles that I help them internalise. These form the foundation of what I teach.
1. You are already enough just as you are.
The shit that causes you pain isn't the fact that you ACTUALLY don't earn enough money or have a six pack. What causes you pain is the belief that you aren't enough. If you believe you're broken, you will act and feel as if you really were. Your dating and social life will reflect this, often painfully. The truth is, you are enough already, it just takes proactive work to rewire this core belief. As you do, your confidence will skyrocket but it won't be an act. It will be real.
2. Vulnerability is the key to connection.
The persona we create in order to be liked by everyone is what stops us from being loved by anyone. When we practice having the courage to reveal who we REALLY are, we open the doorway to what you're really looking for. Connection & intimacy.
3. Be The Leader Of Your Life
Don't wait for your life to change. Don't wait for your relationships to magically get better and for women to show up at your door. I had to intentionally start being authentic in order to change my dating life and I'm glad I did. Whether it's taking the lead on a date or revealing something vulnerable about you, be the leader of your life.
When you internalize these 3 principles, you become deeply confident.
You get comfortable and charismatic in social situations. You show strength and courage. People respect you.
I remember these principles every day.
Are you ready to find true self-confidence and transform your relationships just like I did?
Then book a free breakthrough call below and let's talk.