How the Fear of Being Alone Creates People Pleasing Men (& How to Overcome It)

Are you a nice guy or a people pleaser?

Do you find yourself constantly seeking approval, avoiding confrontation, or changing your behavior to fit what others expect?

If so, you might be avoiding a deeper, more uncomfortable truth: you’re afraid of being alone.

Many men struggle with this, even if they don’t realize it.

But to truly grow, evolve, and step into your full potential as a man, you need to make peace with solitude. 

The Importance of Making Peace With Being Alone

To become a mature, fully realized man, you need to learn how to be comfortable in your own company.

There’s an existential truth that we often try to avoid: we are all born alone, we live with our private thoughts and emotions, and ultimately, we face death alone.

No one can truly share your inner experiences.

This sense of existential isolation can be terrifying. But when a man can’t make peace with this reality, it leads to a host of unhealthy behaviors.

A man who is afraid of being alone might:

• Seek approval from others to feel like a good person. He may be driven by the need to make everyone around him happy because he only feels validated when others approve of him.
• Compulsively seek relationships or sexual experiences. If you’re terrified of solitude, you might find yourself chasing one partner after another, not out of genuine connection, but to fill a void that can never truly be filled by someone else.
• Stay in toxic or dysfunctional relationships. Many men choose the familiarity of a bad relationship over the discomfort of being alone. The fear of facing their own solitude keeps them stuck in destructive patterns.

The Price of Needing Constant Approval

Society, in general, is more forgiving of neediness in women, but it’s much less kind to needy men.

A man who constantly seeks approval, who can’t stand on his own, who is afraid of being alone—he will face significant consequences.

People, especially women, are less likely to respect or be attracted to a man who is existentially needy.

Men who fear solitude often prioritize approval over authenticity.

Instead of leading their own lives and making decisions based on their values and desires, they bend to the will of others. This kind of behavior keeps a man from becoming a true leader and from living fully on his own terms.

How to Overcome the Fear of Being Alone

So, if you’re a nice guy, people pleaser, or someone who is constantly searching for validation from others, how do you break free from this cycle?

How do you become comfortable with solitude?

Here are a few steps you can take:

1. Spend More Time Alone: It might sound obvious, but the way to get comfortable with solitude is to experience it more often. Start small: go for undistracted walks for 20 to 30 minutes a day. If you live with others, find ways to create more alone time. If you have a family, consider taking a solo trip for a weekend to reconnect with yourself.
2. Graded Exposure: If the thought of being alone scares you, don’t overwhelm yourself. Gradually expose yourself to solitude in a way that feels manageable. Begin by scheduling short periods of time each day where you focus on being alone without distractions like your phone or TV. Over time, increase the duration of these periods. The more you do this, the more comfortable you’ll become with your own company.
3. Reflect on What Makes Being Alone Difficult: When you’re alone, what comes up? Is it fear, sadness, or something else? Take time to reflect on the emotions that arise when you’re by yourself. Often, there’s an unresolved feeling or emotion you’ve been avoiding. Journaling can help you explore these emotions and gain deeper insights into your discomfort with solitude.
4. Take Ownership of Your Boundaries: As you grow more comfortable with being alone, you’ll find it easier to set boundaries in your relationships. When you don’t fear solitude, you’re less likely to tolerate toxic friendships or relationships. You’ll be able to distance yourself from people who don’t support your growth or who take away from your peace.

The Strength That Comes From Solitude

The benefits of learning to be alone go beyond just feeling more comfortable in your own skin. When you’re no longer afraid of solitude, you’ll notice a profound shift in your life:

• You’ll stop tolerating mediocrity. A man who is comfortable alone doesn’t cling to bad relationships or friendships just to avoid being by himself. He chooses quality connections over quantity and prioritizes relationships that uplift and support him.
• You’ll develop stronger boundaries. With peace comes clarity. You’ll no longer accept behaviors that drain you or compromise your values.
• You’ll lead from authenticity. When you make peace with being alone, you live life on your terms. You stop seeking approval from others and start living in alignment with your own truth.

Embrace the Power of Solitude

Ultimately, a man who can’t be alone will never reach his full potential.

Solitude isn’t something to fear—it’s a powerful tool for self-growth and transformation. It’s the key to authenticity, leadership, and personal freedom.

If you find yourself constantly seeking approval or stuck in relationships that drain you, it’s time to turn inward. Start by spending more time alone, reflecting on what makes solitude difficult, and gradually pushing yourself to face those fears.

The more comfortable you become with solitude, the more you’ll embrace your true self—and the less you’ll tolerate anything that doesn’t align with your highest good.

So, take a moment to ask yourself: how comfortable are you with being alone? And what steps can you take today to embrace solitude and grow into the man you were always meant to be?

Until next time,

OC