"You must strive to build a life where you never have to lie to anyone."
Working a job you don't like.
Hanging around with people who hold you back.
Being trapped in a relationship you know you shouldn't be in.
The feeling that you're wasting time in all the ways that matter.
This is what it feels like to be stuck in a life that isn't yours.
Back when I was a personal trainer…
Everyone told me it was the best job ever and I should consider myself lucky.
But even though I'd loved it for years, something started eating away at me.
I couldn't help but feel like this was not my life.
Eventually, I quit to pursue a path that would eventually lead to me writing this and you reading it.
Now I spend my time doing what I want to do and I don't answer to anybody other than you guys.
If you feel like you're living a life that isn't yours, you will be unhappy.
Because the life you're living isn't a life. It's a performance.
An inauthentic life forces you to betray yourself.
- You say things you don't mean.
- You do things you don't want to do.
- You spend time with people you don't like.
All to please other people.
An authentic life is the best life you can live.
And I'm going to break down a few ways you can start to live a life that's more true to you.
Step One: Be Selfish
There's a reason you're performing and not living an authentic life.
On some level, you're trying to please another person or group of people.
You're trading authenticity for approval.
You will never truly live if you're imprisoned by the opinions of other people.
At some point, you have to accept that living your ideal life will piss some people off.
Be selfish anyway.
This doesn't mean being an asshole.
Your healthy self-interest benefits us all.
Because the world doesn't need more good little citizens.
The world needs more people who've come alive.
People who had the courage to go for what they wanted and show others the way to do it for themselves.
Get clear on what keeps the performance going for you.
Here are some questions for your journal...
- Who are you trying to please?
- Who are you afraid of disappointing?
- What do you feel you should do to be loved/liked/accepted?
- What do you feel you should never do?
Your answers to these questions are the bars that keep your true self in a cage.
Step Two: Tell The Truth
Denial and falsehood blind you from seeing the path you were always meant to walk.
If you're lost in life, tell the truth.
It will always guide you back to where you need to be.
People hate the truth. It scares them.
Why?
Because if you've built a life on a foundation of bullshit...
Truth is like C4 plastic explosive.
It has the power to blow it all to pieces.
But this is necessary...
Because anything you lose from telling the truth was never yours to begin with.
This step is about exposing the lies and telling the truth.
Track your lies for a week. Write them in your phone.
- What lie did you tell?
- What were you covering up with the lie?
- What are you afraid would happen if people knew the truth?
When you know your lying patterns, you can start to catch yourself in the moment and tell the truth instead.
Commit to the truth for one year.
Watch your life change.
Step Three: Meet Your True Self
Who you are has been covered up by the social mask you've been playing since you were a child.
This step is about meeting your true self.
And it's the past you need to turn to to do that.
There was once a time when you were purely authentic.
Or at least more authentic than you are now.
For almost everyone, that's when you were a kid.
Questions for your journal...
- What kind of traits did you embody as a kid that you've lost touch with?
- In which ways have you changed for the worse?
- What did you used to enjoy?
- What did you want to do or become?
And ask yourself: over the course of your life, what were the experiences you had that were truly profound and meaningful to you?
These are all signposts.
And remember, if it excites you, it's likely a way forward.
Until next time,