I recently decided to whip up a bunch of the lessons I've learned in my dating life that has led to pretty strong and consistent success. I wrote it in my personal notes but I decided to share it with you all.
Here they be...
1. Practice a "revolving door" mindset in the beginning.
On your path to finding a great woman, you will be rejected and ghosted countless times. When this happens, just repeat "next" in your mind and let it go. Move on.
It's great to be emotionally invested after you've been on a few dates, but if you're invested immediately? It's a turn off to her and a sign of low self-worth in you.
2. Build an emotionally supportive social circle.
If you make a woman the emotional centre of your world, you're in for a bumpy ride. I got cheated on twice for this exact reason. I became way too needy because I didn't have that solid social foundation.
Making her the emotional centre of your world makes it hard to attract new women consistently (they will sniff out the neediness) and it will cripple any relationship you will get into in the future (even marriages end because of this).
3. Stop trying to be someone else. Find your unique vibe & own it.
This comes from consistently building self-awareness over time. Figure out what you uniquely bring to the table. Maybe you have a dark sense of humour. Stop hiding it. Maybe you're cheeky. Be that. Geeky and analytical? Then fully embrace it (I once met a skinny geek dude who had two girlfriends).
4. Laugh at yourself occasionally.
One of the biggest confidence hacks I've ever implemented is becoming painfully aware of my shortcomings - and consistently developing the capacity to laugh at them. One caveat though, if it's all you do you will cultivate a self-image as "court jester" which won't do you any favours.
Being able to laugh at yourself means you will pass 90% of the shit tests she gives you and you'll have way more fun on dates.
5. Change your relationship to anxiety.
Honestly, I've never delved that deeply into social skills from the perspective of what to say and how to say it. This is because I noticed early on that 80% of all social success I experienced was down to how present I was in the moment.
If you're present, you just know what to say. You're more relaxed and more confident. People sense it.
If you can overcome anxiety by using what I call the FAB model (Fuck it. Allow it. Bring it on) then honestly this will be a game-changer. It was for me.
6. Become aware of and own your desires.
You want to see her naked. You want to have sex with her. You want to be intimate with her and kiss her and all the rest of it. If you're on a date with her, she likely suspects this at the very least.
It's remarkable how many guys hide these desires from her and themselves. It serves no purpose other than dishonesty, unclear intentions and poor communication.
If you own your desires and see them not as filthy, wrong or shameful - but life-affirming and beautiful ... you will have far less of a problem with escalating physically through touch or even direct speech. Necessary to avoid the friendzone.
7. Remember this - you are on the same team as her.
You both want the same thing. Intimacy. Fun. Great sex. Connection. Play. It's helpful to remember that a date is like a co-crafted experiment. You're seeing if you can help each other get what you both want.
This mindset shift makes you less nervous because you don't have this subtle "me vs her" mentality. You're partners on the same team.
I say this because the amount of resentment towards women online from emotionally wounded men makes me sad and slightly nervous. It cripples your chances, too.
Take care and remember that when it comes to dating - 80% of it is an inside job.