Hey mate,
Let me tell you a quick story about a former client of mine named Oscar.
Oscar was 32.
Smart guy. Good job. Took care of himself.
On paper he looked sorted.
But he had never been in a relationship. He had never even kissed a woman.
Not because he was broken or because something was wrong with him.
He was just a classic Nice Guy.
And that nice guy conditioning made him completely invisible to the kind of women he actually wanted.
Today I want to walk you through the five shifts Oscar made that changed everything for him.
These are the exact steps that helped him go from “harmless mate” to a grounded, confident man who ended up in his first real intimate relationship.
Let’s get into it.
Step 1: Call BS on your brain
Oscar had a habit you might recognise.
Any time he made accidental eye contact with a woman he found attractive, he snapped his eyes away like he’d been caught doing something wrong.
When I asked him why, he said, “She might notice me. She’ll think I’m creepy.”
That belief was the virus running his entire dating life.
Deep down, Oscar felt like his sexuality was wrong. Creepy, even.
If you believe your sexuality is wrong, you will hide it.
And if you hide it, women will never see you as a romantic option.
So we challenged the belief.
Any time he froze up, avoided speaking, or held back from showing interest, I told him to ask himself: “What thought just stopped me?”
Once you find the thought, you question it.
Is it absolutely true?
Do you have evidence?
Or is it just an old script running?
Oscar tested this in the real world by deliberately holding eye contact.
And plenty of women smiled at him, thus destroying a stale old negative belief.
Funny how that works.
Step 2: Calm your t*ts
Oscar’s biggest problem wasn’t height, looks, or money.
The guy was doing great financially.
His real issue was anxiety.
Whenever things became intimate, his body shut down.
His breathing went shallow and his mind blanked.
So we focused on self-soothing.
Two tools helped him massively:
I) The mantra: “Whatever happens, I will handle it.”
Anxiety is the belief that you cannot handle what might happen.
Confidence is the opposite.
II) Diaphragmatic breathing.
He was breathing high in his chest which keeps your body in fight or flight.
I taught him to breathe low in the belly.
Within weeks of practicing both of these, he felt calmer, clearer, and more present around women.
Step 3: Stop being shady
Oscar met plenty of women. He was friendly, safe, and fun.
But inside he was hiding everything.
He felt desire but never expressed it, “hinting” interest instead of being direct.
This is because he feared the word “no” so much that he never gave himself the chance to hear “yes.”
So we flipped his definition of success.
Instead of asking “Does she like me?” he started asking:
Was I bold?
Was I direct?
Was I authentic?
Once he switched to that frame, everything opened up.
He started hearing enthusiastic “yes” from women for the first time in his life.
Step 4: Always be seducing
Oscar thought flirting was fake and manipulative.
Classic nice guy conditioning.
He valued authenticity, which I love, but he made the mistake of thinking seduction and authenticity cannot coexist.
So I gave him a simple analogy.
“When you learned software development, did it feel fake at first?”
He said yes.
Exactly. Flirting is a skill. Not manipulation.
It’s simply a form of communication.
Once he reframed that, he started practicing the basics: eye contact, pausing, teasing, holding tension.
And women responded.
Step 5: Bake a good cake
This one is huge.
Even though Oscar was doing well in life, he wasn’t enjoying his life.
Women were the only ingredient in his “life cake.” (his only source of joy).
When you do that, the whole structure collapses.
So I encouraged him to pick up his guitar again (something that used to make him feel alive.)
He started playing daily.
Then he went to open mic nights.
Then he became more expressive, social, and grounded.
Women became a bonus, not a lifeline.
And when a man enjoys his life, everything shifts.
With all of these pieces working together, after a couple of months, Oscar started dating an amazing women.
Soon after, I got that message from him:
“OIiver, we just had sex and it was amazing.”
Oscar went from invisible and anxious to grounded and desired.
From ashamed of his sexuality to fully owning it.
His hero’s journey was complete .. for now.
If you resonate with Oscar’s story, and you want to build the same kind of transformation, you can find out how to work with me here.
In the meantime … stay courageous.
Oliver