Hey man
I'm 31 now … but only recently did I start feeling like a man.
For most of my life, I felt lost without a purpose.
Sometimes, I had outward success.
I was a personal trainer for over 7 years and did pretty well with it.
But deep down, I felt unfulfilled, like I was missing something.
I had no idea what that "something" was.
And then I came across a book that felt like it was written just for me.
It's a book by author Martha Beck called Finding Your Own North Star.
This is one of the books on my recommended reading list for my 12-week mentorship programme.
It's a must-read for every man, in my opinion.
Here are four of the biggest ideas from the book.
Idea #1: You lack a sense of direction because you've built a life centred around pleasing other people.
When we're young, we're taught to be good little boys.
To do what our parents, teachers and peers say we should do.
To many of us, this becomes our life script:
"If I just make other people happy, then I will be happy."
Except … this doesn't work, does it?
- Maybe we pursued a career to make Dad proud.
- Maybe we married a woman our mother would like.
- Maybe we act a certain way because we got bullied at school.
This might have led to some objectively good things happening to us.
But the problem is … this is not your life.
This is a life built from the opinions of other people.
And you will never be happy unless that life lights your soul on fire.
Idea #2: To find direction, follow your highest excitement.
Here's another thing you might have been told when you were young:
"You can't do what you enjoy. Work is hard. Life is hard."
It's usually crusty, bitter people who say this.
They want other people to live in the same bleak reality they do.
But the thing is, the excitement you feel IS one of the strongest indicators of where you should go next because it's deeply personal to you.
For example, I recently helped Tony, a successful business owner in his late 30s find his purpose.
How?
By deeply reconnecting with his LOVE of drift racing.
He's since started a drift racing team just sponsored by Gulf Oil.
He’s an entirely different man now. His whole life turned around by following his highest excitement.
So take your excitement seriously. Ha 😉
Idea #3: To find your purpose … start telling the truth.
In life, your internal GPS is the most important internal resource you have.
It's the voice inside of you that tells you where to go and what to do.
You might call it intuition.
The problem is that the voice is sometimes a whisper.
It's very subtle. You need to be tuned in in order to hear it.
There's one thing that drowns that voice out more than anything else.
And that’s lying.
When you lie, two things happen:
- You fill your head full of loud, useless nonsense making it impossible to hear that voice inside you.
- You become untrustworthy to yourself. After all, if you know you’re a liar, why would you ever listen to yourself?
Beck recommends keeping track of the white lies you tell in a journal and committing to reversing dishonesty when you notice it.
For example, if you add a few details to a story that never happened, you might correct yourself in the moment and say “Wait… that wasn’t true. Here’s what really happened.”
This alone could change your life.
Idea #4: To lead the orchestra … you must turn your back on the crowd.
I was stuck for so long because I feared failing and looking stupid.
So, I chose safe and familiar suffering instead of unfamiliar growth.
I didn’t want to risk it, all because of a very toxic idea.
The idea that somewhere, there’s this imaginary crowd of critical people judging everything you do.
This crowd is usually made up of critical teachers, parents, kids at school, people on the internet and other negative people throughout your life.
These people were real at one point, and their influence left a mark on you.
But let’s examine this for a moment…
Is there really a crowd of people watching your every move?
Are you really that special?
Or is it more likely that everyone is so wrapped up in their own shit that they don’t care that much about you?
The truth is, people don’t care. And the crowd doesn’t exist.
Even after the craziest humiliation, life goes on and people forget.
If you want to live the most authentic and fulfilling life you possibly can, you need to turn your back on the crowd.
This means letting go of the need to be approved of by everyone.
And choosing to focus on the music….of life (okay, that shit was corny, but I’m leaving it in, haha).
I highly recommend you download the book and give it a read.
I hope it changes your life as much as it changed mine.
But if you’re truly ready to change your life, I have another option.
Using many of the principles in the book, helping you find your purpose and motivation in life you are is part of what I do in the Man On Purpose 12 week mentorship program.
It’s for men in their 30s who’ve achieved some worldly success but still feel like there’s something missing. And I help you find it.
I help you develop a strong sense of direction in life, discover (or rediscover) your true self and make that self-present in your relationships while being able to talk with confidence to anyone.
It will also help you break your addictions since most compulsions/addictions thrive when your life lacks focus and direction.
This whole programme is aimed at being able to say "I'm a man" and actually believe it.
All you have to do is click this link which will take you to my calendar.
Find a time that suits you, block it out and answer the follow-up questions.
We’ll meet on a call & find the clarity you're looking for and make a game plan for the next few months of your life.
Sound good? I look forward to speaking with you.
Thanks, mate.
Oliver "Bookworm" Cowlishaw