September 3

This Is Why You’re Desperate To Fix Yourself


You are not enough.

This is what your mind says to you 90% of the time.

We’re constantly comparing our lives to other people’s.

Influencers with private jets, shredded six-packs and supermodel girlfriends are all over Instagram.

The things that are amazing about our lives like:

  • A hot shower
  • The smell of coffee
  • Having a genuine conversation with a friend

We rarely fully appreciate them.

In the West, at least, it’s as if we’re going through a collective psychosis.

On a hamster wheel. Constantly chasing, struggling and striving. Never arriving.

We’re desperately looking for something.

But what is it?

Well today, I want to answer that question.

I want to bring some fresh perspective to a world determined to make your life feel inadequate.

Why do we feel that things aren’t enough?

Now I don’t want to oversimplify the problem.

There are a few potential reasons for this feeling of lack in many of us.

The first is what's known in psychology as The Adaptation Principle.

Basically, no matter what we experience, it isn’t long before our happiness set point returns to normal.

If you bought a Bugatti tomorrow, you’d be as happy as you are right now within a few weeks.

This is a natural quirk of the human brain which keeps us stuck.

Another reason is that our brain is constantly assessing our status in the context of a tribe.

To our ancestors, we had status if we made the best bread in the village or were the best hunter.

But with the internet, the tribe now consists of billions instead of 100.

And no matter what, our bread and hunting skills are non-existent in comparison to the top 10 in the world.

If you’re constantly plugged into the internet, your mind will freak out thinking your bread is shit and you’re going to get kicked out of the tribe.

Even though you’re probably doing a lot better than you think.

So these are two good reasons, but they don’t explain everything.

Why is it that some people can compare themselves to others and not feel terrible about it?

And why are some people genuinely motivated by inspiration, love and creativity - not lack?

And here’s what brings me to the reason we’ll focus on.

Here it is…

You feel a sense of lack because there’s a part of your mind that’s still seeking the validation, love, acceptance and approval it never got.

Let me explain.

We’re all born into this world unconditionally loving ourselves and everything else.

But children are ego-centric creatures. And they NEED a lot.

At some point, it’s inevitable that our parents will drop the ball.

A need isn’t met on time or in the right way.

Or maybe we experienced straight-up abuse or neglect.

We then might have formed a story that there’s something wrong with us.

The pursuit begins to fix this “broken part” of us.

Your wounded inner child needs love and attention.

And who does he need it from the most? You.

But if you refuse to listen to him, he’ll hijack your whole mind like a puppet and make you dance for the validation and love of other people.

And it won’t last.

Because you’ll only find the love that you’re really looking for when you choose to drop the pursuit.

And turn and face the pain that created it.

This is shadow work.

If you want to deeply and permanently change your life, this is how you do it.

Here's a great exercise to get started.



oliver cowlishaw, this is why you're desperate to fix yourself, why you're desperate to fix yourself

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