Ollie The Nice Guy
Today I’m diving into how to talk to a woman in a way that she finds sexy and attractive and inspires her trust, her lust and her devotion to you.
How you communicate with her is everything.
Most men get this wrong. I know because I did too.
For example, a few years ago I was at a festival in Romania with my girlfriend at the time.
At this point, our relationship was hanging on by a thread. It was day 3 and we were in the middle of our 2nd argument of the day when she said something that kicked my ass:
“I just feel like the man in this relationship.”
And it wasn’t a compliment. It hurt like a bitch because I knew what she meant. I was insecure, needy and over-emotional.
I’m not saying all women are like this but i’ll explain what I mean later.
The worst part was that I could sense her pulling away from me.
I started noticing her checking out other guys.
She would laugh and giggle in their presence. It was like she was a different woman. She randomly went topless when we were hanging out with a group of them and she never did that kind of thing with me.
It was soul-destroying.
Now you might think that it’s her fault and how she was acting.
And yeah, she had her role to play.
But I only ever focus on what I can control. And the truth was - I was communicating with her like a weak, over-emotional nice guy.
And I know I’m not alone.
Most men communicate with women how I used to.
Like a timid nice guy afraid to upset her. And over time, it unconsciously turns them off or invites disrespect or even resentment.
This is how most men communicate with women:
- They try to please her.
- They seek her permission before taking action.
- They’re indirect and unclear with their intentions.
- They avoid, withhold and cover up their true feelings and desires.
- They let her take the lead and make the plans.
- Their body language and movement are jittery and fidgety.
- Their tone of voice is high and they speak quickly.
- They go with the flow because they’re too scared to put their needs forward.
- They’re emotionally reactive to her. Feeling bad if she feels bad. Only feeling good is she feels good and so on.
I could go on.
And this shit is the main thing that stops you from being able to have a great relationship with a beautiful, smart woman.
Nice Guys = Wounded Feminine
Attraction comes from the polarity between masculine and feminine energies.
One of the main reasons (among many) that this kind of communication repels her is that it’s driven by feminine energy.
Just as the same ends of a magnet repel each other, so do the same energies. Not only that, but nice guy communication is wounded feminine energy.
Manipulative, codependent, needy and emotionally-volatile.
This is the dark side of the feminine.
So to be attractive to the feminine, you need to shift out of wounded feminine energy, stop communicating like a nice guy and start communicating with her in a way that embodies healthy dominant masculine energy.
Dominant Masculine Communication
Let me explain a little bit about what healthy dominant masculine energy looks like and give you 5 ways to embody it.
A man in that kind of energy:
- Pleases himself first.
- Says or does what he wants.
- Is direct and clear with his intentions.
- Freely expresses his true feelings and desires.
- Proactively takes the lead and makes plans.
- Has calm body language.
- Lower tone of voice and speaks slowly.
- Knows what he wants and actively goes against the crowd if it isn’t in his interests.
- Emotionally responds to her but isn’t reactive to her.
- Refuses to play games (pick up artists listen up).
- Speaks his truth and doesn’t edit himself if people don’t like it.
This way of communicating is extremely attractive to the feminine.
The feminine craves surrender to the masculine’s loving leadership.
And feminine women gravitate towards men who can embody the healthy masculine.
To get to this place, men usually need to heal their wounds related to the masculine so it’s a deep process.
But your communication is something you can practice immediately that will change how women show up to you.
Here’s 5 ways to communicate from a place of masculine energy.
#1 - Speak Your Truth
Be fearless in speaking your truth.
The only approval you should seek is your own.
Be direct, bold and to the point.
Refuse to play games.
#2 - Don't ask permission
Watch yourself for any permission seeking behaviour and reverse it.
Instead of asking "can we go to the cinema tonight?" say "I would like to go to the cinema tonight"
Instead of asking her "can I kiss you now?" say "I would like to kiss you now"
As a man in his masculine, you don't need permission to live your truth. Not from anyone.
Let this reflect in your language.
#3 - Stay grounded in your body
Trying to escape anxiety will knock you out of dominant masculine communication.
Staying grounded helps you slow down, speak intentionally and stay connected to what’s true for you.
Always retain some awareness of what's going on in your body - even in the midst of conversation.
#4 - Slow down
The masculine never takes an action or says a word without intention. If you find yourself talking to quickly & making silence your enemy, slow down.
Speak with truth and clarity.
Pull her into your peace.
#5 - Extend invitations
Wounded masculine energy is dictatorial and tyrannical. It makes demands. It seeks to control and subdue.
Unconsciously playing out these dynamics (rather than consciously and consensually) is a recipe for disaster.
Instead, extend invitations. If you want her to come close, say so. If you want to get naked with her, let her know.
Don't demand any outcome but get used to leading with invitations.
Use Your Gifts
Always remember, as a man, one of your most powerful gifts you can give her is your loving leadership, structure and direction. If you hide these powers from her, you're not only doing her a disservice - but you're betraying yourself on a very deep spiritual level.
Now go out there and practice.
I believe in you.