Alright mate,
I used to let people walk all over me.
Friends. Family. Colleagues.
And that same passive, conflict-avoidant attitude made me feel weak and small around women.
Sometimes the disrespect was obvious. Most of the time, it was subtle.
In both cases, I rarely, if ever, stood up for myself.
It was death by a thousand cuts, slowly eroding what little self-respect I had left.
No wonder I couldn’t shake the depression and anxiety.
It felt like I was living someone else’s life, playing a character that wasn’t me.
Then something happened that jolted me awake.
Years ago, my usually soft-spoken therapist said something I’ll never forget:
“Oliver, are you aware of how much disrespect you tolerate?”
In that moment, the penny dropped.
I was letting people treat me in ways I would never treat them.
And then I got angry.
But that anger wasn’t a bad thing.
It was a sign that my dormant self-respect was starting to awaken.
I was done tolerating bullshit.
I was ready to rebuild my self-respect by learning to demand respect from others.
But I didn’t want to become cold or unkind.
That’s when I discovered a concept that changed everything.
Boundaries.
I’d never been taught what they were, why they mattered, or how to set them.
So I studied, experimented, and learned from people who lived it.
And now I want to teach you what I wish I knew back then.
What is a boundary?
A boundary is a line you draw around your own behaviour.
It’s not about control or domination, but more about protecting your well-being and values.
It’s not a request for someone else to change. That’s a nuanced myth that comes up a lot.
It’s a statement of what you will do if your limits aren’t respected.
For example, if someone is consistently late and it bothers you…
“I want you to start showing up on time.”
(This is a demand disguised as a boundary.)
Here’s that same message rephrased more effectively:
“I’ve noticed you often arrive later than we agree to, which leaves me waiting and frustrated. I value my time, so if this keeps happening, I’ll start meeting you somewhere I can do my own thing while I wait, or we’ll reschedule for another day.”
Feel the difference?
That’s assertive communication.
You’re not being passive and saying nothing, which only breeds resentment.
You’re not being aggressive and blowing up, which destroys trust.
You’re calm, clear, and grounded.
You communicate the problem with respect and consequence.
That’s healthy masculine energy in action.
Here’s the biggest misconception about boundaries
Boundaries don’t push people away. They pull the right people closer.
Because we need to feel free to be ourselves in ANY connection, or that connection cannot last.
For example, many men I’ve worked with had zero boundaries in their relationships or marriages.
And eventually, they either cheated or left.
Not because they didn’t love her, but because they were seeking freedom outside the relationship that they never created inside it.
Boundaries are how you build respect, admiration, and freedom in any relationship, not just romantic ones.
So ask yourself: What boundaries do you need to set? What conversations do you need to have? And when will you initiate them?
To help you with this, on Saturday 15th November, I’m hosting a live Boundaries Workshop for men who struggle with confidence, self-esteem, and assertiveness.
You’ll learn how to:
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✅ Identify your own personal boundaries
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✅ Set boundaries that protect your peace and well-being
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✅ Communicate them with calm, grounded assertiveness
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✅ Command genuine respect from women, friends, and colleagues
If that sounds like something you need, click below to give me an idea of numbers.
Stay courageous,
Oliver