“I just feel like I’ve completely lost my fire.”
Sam said this while looking down at his own reflection on Zoom.
He had the look of a deflated and defeated man.
Whenever I see that on a man’s face, it hits me in the gut.
And it wasn’t from a lack of effort.
He’d done a year of hardcore therapy after his marriage to an abusive woman collapsed.
He’s a hard-working GOOD man doing his absolute best for his two kids.
But inside, he still felt small and powerless.
So he booked a coaching session with me to try to get unstuck.
As he told me about his life, one moment stopped me cold.
“When I was a kid my mum was abusive. I don’t think she ever loved me. One time I swore in front of her and she brushed my teeth with dish soap. I still gag when I smell it.
I was stunned.
I thought:
“What a horrifying thing for a little boy to experience .. and from his MOTHER of all people.”
I felt something tighten in my solar plexus.
Suddenly I realised something:
There’s a wounded boy still in Sam’s mind .. and he needs protection.
So with that intention, I decided to guide him into a visualisation.
A safe re-entry into the memory.
We were going to give little Sam everything he needed in that moment but never got.
He saw himself as a little boy again… frozen…scared .. his mother shoving the brush toward his mouth.
And suddenly, something woke up inside Sam.
His jaw clenched. Sam’s face flashed a look a fierce anger.
Of “un-fuck-with-able” energy.
I saw Sam’s fire come back. And he understood the assignment.
He said:
“I’m already standing between them. My hand is around her wrist. I’m stopping her from getting to him.”
“What do you want to say to her?” I asked.
And then it came. Decades of buried, healthy anger:
“How the fuck could you do this to him?! How dare you treat him that way. He’s a little boy. Nothing he could ever do deserves that. He’s done nothing to you. You should have protected him. He deserved so much better than this.”
Tears flooded Sam. The sadness and grief that little boy in his mind felt.
As the emotional release turned into relief, Sam opened his eyes.
He looked like a different man than the one who came into the call.
Alive. Solid. Present.
Like the man he was always meant to be.
“This is exactly what I needed,” he said.
And his fire was back.
The thing is..
At it’s root, real confidence isn’t about adding anything.
It’s an unblocking. A releasing.
It’s what returns when the younger part of you with all of it’s fear and shame, stops driving your adult life.
Every man carries his younger self inside him.
And maybe that younger self still feels unsafe or unworthy.
When that boy stops running your life, everything changes:
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Your confidence becomes who you are.
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Your boundaries become natural and effortless.
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Women feel your presence and aliveness.
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You stop tolerating the intolerable from people.
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You feel at home in your own skin and trusting of yourself.
This is the work most men never do.
But it’s the work that transforms everything.
If you read Sam’s story and felt something stir in your chest…
If you know there’s a younger part of you still shaping who you are…
This is exactly the work I help men do.
Deep, grounded inner reconstruction.
Not surface-level hacks or confidence tricks.
Just real inner change that shifts how you move through the world.
If you’re ready to reclaim the fire you’ve lost (or the fire you’ve never felt) you have two options:
1) Book a single 75 minute breakthrough session: Click here
Perfect for experiencing this work directly and feeling the shift in real time.
2) Apply for a 3 or 6 month mentorship: Click here
For men ready for full-spectrum transformation (confidence, boundaries, relationships, purpose, and self-leadership).
The powerful man within is waiting.
Let’s bring him online.
Stay courageous,
Oliver