Alright, mate.
If you have ever frozen up around a woman you liked, it is not because you lack confidence.
It is because you are afraid of being seen.
One of my clients, Ben, learned this the hard way at a music festival.
His story might hit closer to home than you think.
Ben had been working with me on dropping his people-pleasing habits and social anxiety.
We planned to use this festival as a low-stakes challenge: approach five women, give them a genuine compliment, and move on.
Nothing heavy just something to get him playful, in his body, and out of his head.
When he arrived, he was killing it.
Laughing, chatting, giving compliments, feeling alive.
Then he took a low dose of mushrooms. Just a gram.
Within an hour, his entire personality shut down.
His voice was gone.
He felt like the whole festival was happening behind three inches of glass.
He could see it, but couldn’t experience it.
People tried to talk to him.
Two cute women even approached him, warm and inviting, asking him to join them.
But he couldn’t do it.
So he drifted away.
Later, he told me,
“I felt like people could see into me, and I didn’t want them to.”
This wasn’t about confidence.
It was about the mask he has worn his whole life.
The smiling and nodding. The agreeableness.
The act he uses to keep himself liked and safe.
That mask got ripped away, and what was left underneath was fear and shame.
And here’s the painful truth.
This happens to men every single day.
You meet a woman you’re attracted to.
She’s open and curious.
But you freeze and go into overthinking mode.
Conversation dies.
She goes cold.
You tell yourself she just wasn’t your type, but deep down, you know she never got to see you.
The problem isn’t that you lack charm or charisma.
I’m sure there are plenty of situations when you relax and your real playful self comes through.
It’s just that you’ve spent your entire life performing for validation.
And women can feel it.
She starts holding back because she doesn’t know who you are.
I asked Ben what would have happened if he had just told those women the truth.
“I have taken some mushrooms and I am feeling overwhelmed.”
He paused, then smiled, then his whole body relaxed.
“That would have taken the pressure off. I wouldn’t have had to perform.”
That was the moment it clicked for him.
The real transformation doesn’t happen by memorising lines or acting confident.
It happens when you drop the act and speak the truth.
So let me ask you.
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What part of you are you most afraid for women to see?
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The part that freezes?
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The part that feels insecure?
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The part that still feels like a scared little boy?
Whatever it is, that’s where your real work is.
Not hiding it or covering it.
But owning it, loving it, and letting the right women see it.
This is exactly what we will be working on in my live workshop, Kill the Nice Guy, on Sunday 17th August.
I will show you how to drop the mask, stop performing, and start showing up as your real, authentic self in dating, in relationships, and in life.
If Ben’s story hit home for you, you need to be there.
See you inside,
Oliver
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