Alright mate,
I used to crave the validation and approval of women.
Practically every aspect of my life, at one point, was centred around making women like me.
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The clothes I wore.
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The way I styled my hair.
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The way I spoke (or didn’t).
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The hobbies I chose.
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Even the books I read.
(I read Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky partly because I thought it would make me more appealing to sapiosexual women… Jesus Christ.)
All of it driven by this existential need for female approval.
And to be fair. It worked, to a degree.
I had girlfriends. I got laid.
But deep down, even with all that validation, I still felt like an insecure boy.
I’d built an attractive mask.
And I was terrified someone would see behind it.
I was good at performing confidence.
But I wasn’t actually confident.
Because any confidence that isn’t real is just a flimsy, paper thin performance.
The real shift for me began when I made a decision to drop the mask.
To stop performing and start being honest (possibly for the first time ever).
It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.
And it was the beginning of my liberation.
One of the most important resources I had at the start was joining an online men’s group.
Every week, I had a place where I could be safely and fully witnessed.. not as the character I’d created, but as the man I actually was.
Over time, I started to notice when I was masking… and when I wasn’t.
With the support of solid men, I began to heal the wounds of growing up with an abusive, alcoholic father.
I learned to trust men again and stop being such a lone wolf.
To relax into connection and to trust myself enough to stop hiding with everyone.
What I eventually realised was this:
I wasn’t lacking women in my life.
I was lacking grounded, healthy masculine presence.
My approval-seeking wasn’t genuine desire.
It was my inner boy looking for safety and reassurance in the only way he knew how.
That men’s group was the beginning of my initiation into manhood.
And it all started with just 90 minutes a week where I didn’t have to perform, impress, or earn my place.
That’s the power of a real men’s group.
Which is why on 10th February, I’m opening my own.
Each week, I’ll guide a small group of men through the same process I went through:
– Dropping the mask
– Ending approval-seeking
– Reclaiming self-trust
– Being seen by other men without judgment
– Conquering fear / building courage
90 minutes a week with a safe, clear container.
Doors will be open for one week only, then closed for 2–3 months.
So if you’re done living for women’s approval (at work, in dating, with family, or everywhere except yourself…)
And you’re ready to find out who you actually are beneath the mask…
You can find out more and apply by clicking this link.
And as always,
Stay courageous,
Oliver
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