Alright, mate.
I want to tell you about Thomas.
He came to me after a relationship with the woman he'd considered his dream woman.
Except the relationship was abusive.
Verbally and physically.
And underneath it was an old pattern: Thomas’ "nice guy" habits had run every relationship before her.
The fear of conflict.
The constant over-giving (with little appreciation).
The walking on eggshells.
All of this led to Thomas’ relationships being dysfunctional and chaotic.
He was close to giving up.
Here's where his head was at when we started:
"I thought I would never have a truly nice relationship like some of my friends around me."
I could relate to that. Maybe you can too?
The feeling that other men can have that kind of peaceful authentic connection.
But somehow … not you.
So you might settle for the kind of broken, dysfunctional relationships you saw growing up.
But better is possible. Thomas just didn't know it yet.
Because here's the thing: he hadn't given up.
He still wanted a truly loving relationship.
He just refused to abandon himself to get one.
We worked together for six months.
Somewhere along the way, something clicked.
His words:
"If it's not me standing up for myself, then nobody is."
And then he did the thing most pleasers are terrified of.
He started putting himself first:
"I became way more egoistic, which made it clear to other people in my close circle, which was sometimes not perceived nicely, but that's the point."
He's right. That is the point.
When you've spent years over-giving, the people who got used to it won't throw you a party when you start setting boundaries.
Some will push back. And you'll probably feel guilty.
That guilt isn't a sign you're doing it wrong.
It's withdrawal from years of self-abandonment.
The people who truly care about you will adjust.
The rest were never really on your side.
Thomas didn't let the guilt win.
Soon he found himself in a lovely relationship with a new partner, and said this:
"I would never have been able to get into such a truly lovely relationship without the help of Oliver."
The man who'd decided love wasn't available to him is now in exactly the kind of relationship he thought he'd never have.
I'm sharing this because maybe you've been burned before, just like Thomas was.
Maybe you're close to giving up on women altogether.
Thomas's story is proof of what's possible instead.
Stay courageous,
Oliver
P.S. Thomas's full story, along with a wall of others (video testimonials included), is on my Work With Me page: see what other men say
