The nicest man in the room is the angriest.

Every time you say "yes" when you don't mean it, something bad happens.

When you say "yes" to dinner with your girlfriend's work colleagues after an exhausting week.

When you say "It's fine, don't worry about it" after she said something that hurt.

When you say yes to sex when you're tired, stressed, or just not feeling it.

In the moment, you might get relief.

But later on, you feel it.

That resentment bubbling up.

And take it from me, a recovering Nice Guy …

That resentment is poison.

To your self-worth, your relationships. To your whole f*cking life.

I lived like this for decades.

I remember reluctantly saying yes to a vacation with my girlfriend. Hours of driving, her family's holiday home, meeting her cousins.

She was so excited. But it was the LAST thing I wanted.

I was having a rough period of anxiety and panic attacks. I needed peace, alone time, familiar surroundings.

But I went along with the plan.

And you know what?

I was a seething little nub of resentment for the entire vacation.

Truly terrible company.

And it wasn't her fault.

I never once voiced my preferences to her.

I just said "great idea" and then got angry that she didn't read my mind.

Here's the uncomfortable truth about pleasers that nobody says out loud:

Beneath the nicest man in the room is usually the angriest.

Always being the nice guy requires you to bury your boundaries, needs, and opinions to gain approval and avoid disapproval.

And nice guys almost always have a dysfunctional relationship with their own anger.

They see it as bad, destructive, something to hide.

Maybe their father's anger caused chaos in the house. Or maybe there was no anger at all, just a passive father who never modeled healthy boundaries.

Either way, anger without a channel doesn't go anywhere.

It gets buried, where it turns into resentment and bitterness.

I eventually realised my resentment wasn't evidence that people were taking advantage of me.

It was evidence that I kept abandoning myself.

The fix isn't to become less kind.

It's to balance kindness for others with kindness for yourself. With honesty.

Because kindness without truth is toxic.

Here’s a question I often ask my men’s group…

“Do you feel any resentment towards anyone in your life? And is there a conversation that needs to happen?”

Stay courageous,

Oliver

P.S. If this email described you, reply with the word READY and I'll send you the details of working with me 1:1.