“I’m sorry for being angry.”
That’s what I said to my girlfriend after she was 40 minutes late for our date.
She didn’t give me a good reason.
She saw my texts, read them, and ignored them as I sat there alone.
In that moment, I felt like a complete loser.
The truth that hit me was simple:
My girlfriend has absolutely no respect for me.
The door opened.
She strolled in smiling like nothing happened.
No apology. No acknowledgement she was late.
“This isn’t the first time,” I thought.
Her attitude triggered an unfamiliar emotion.
Anger.
She sensed it and attacked me for it.
“Don’t look at me like that. The train was late. You’re being inconsiderate. You always do this.”
A part of me knew I was in the right.
I wasn’t expecting perfection. I just wanted the respect of a reply.
But my inner nice guy killed my voice.
“Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry for being angry,” I said, defeated.
“It’s fine. Are we having a starter?” she asked, flipping through the menu.
I didn’t know it then, but this relationship was doomed.
Soon after, she started spending more time with other men. The ones she told me not to worry about.
Then she left me for one of them.
It destroyed me.
But it was also the beginning of my awakening from nice guy hell.
The day she left was the first day of the rest of my life.
I’m not letting her off the hook. Some of the things she did were messed up.
But I refused to be a victim.
So I took a hard look at myself and realised something painful but necessary.
The way I was showing up was inviting disrespect from her.
Why?
Because I was actively disrespecting myself.
That is the crux of nice guy syndrome.
A lack of self-respect, self-worth, and standards.
Today, I’m still a recovering nice guy. Maybe it never fully goes away. But it no longer runs my life.
And if you are ready to stop living for scraps of approval, here’s the same recovery roadmap I give my clients:
1. Reveal the nice guy mask
Spot the hidden patterns you have been running on autopilot.
Common ones:
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Over-apologizing when you are not at fault
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Needing reassurance before making decisions
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Avoiding hard conversations
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Hiding attraction out of fear of being “creepy” or rejected
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Saying yes when you want to say no
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Feeling disconnected from emotions, especially anger
Once you spot it and name it, you can tame it.
2. Release toxic shame
That constant “I’m not good enough” feeling fuels your need for approval.
Believing masculinity is inherently toxic is a prime example of toxic shame.
When you drop it, your confidence stops depending on what anyone thinks. That is when you can finally embrace your masculinity and own it.
3. Set boundaries and be assertive
Boundaries are not walls. They are the lines that make others respect you.
You need to embrace healthy conflict and confrontation. Train it like a muscle.
One challenge I give clients is to track how many times they say no and raise it each week. The more no’s you say, the better your life gets.
4. Learn your values, vision, and mission and live by them
Nice guys don’t know who they really are because their whole life has been a performance to make others like them.
Learn what you actually stand for.
What would you go to war for? What would you even die for?
When you care about something greater than approval, you stop bending yourself to fit other people’s expectations.
Try this:
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Remember a moment you were at your best, alive, proud, unstoppable
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Ask yourself: what quality was I honouring in that moment?
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Decide to live by it every day and get clear on exactly how it would look in your behaviour
When you live for values instead of validation, you become the leader others respect, admire, and want to follow.
If you are done apologising for feeling anything, I have an invitation for you.
Join my Kill The Nice Guy workshop.
It is happening this Sunday.
You will walk away with the tools to stop living for approval and start living as a confident, self-led man.
12 spots are left.
The early bird price is £47. It rises to £67 in 72 hours.
This will sell out.
If you have read this far and you are serious about changing this, it is time to stop thinking and start acting.
>> Click here to reserve your spot now
See you there,
Oliver
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