Hey man
Recently, I’ve been playing a bit of Battlefield during my downtime.
And I need to admit something…
Sometimes, that game makes me want to throw my laptop off my apartment balcony in a rage.
This got me thinking about an essential topic for any man.
ANGER.
Let me ask you a straight-up question.
Do you ever get angry? Or are you one of those men who “never gets angry.”?
Maybe you do get angry…in private.
But what about when you’re with other people?
Are you good at expressing your anger to people?
Or does expressing your anger directly to the person make you anxious as fook?
If you’re anything like most “nice guy” inclined men (such as yours truly) …
Expressing anger directly is often a very uncomfortable thing to do.
And this isn’t a good thing.
Because anger is a powerful energy.
If it isn’t handled healthily, it can harm our well-being, confidence and relationships.
When a man represses his anger, here’s what can happen:
- He implodes. He shuts down. He goes into avoidance mode. He could even become depressed, anxious and even physically ill.
- He explodes. He flies off the handle and has rage attacks. He throws things, yells obscenities at the wheel, and snaps at his loved ones.
- He avoids people. He doesn’t have to express anger if he doesn’t interact with people first, right?
- His self-esteem suffers. If we don’t express anger, we tell ourselves that our feelings don’t matter. We tell ourselves that we are low-status and low-value.
Repressed anger could even potentially kill you.
I speak from experience.
One time, I nearly got into a car accident on the motorway because I was so angry that my (now ex) girlfriend rejected me sexually an hour earlier.
It was the 3rd time in a row she’d done that. I felt rejected, hurt and embarrassed.
I would never have expressed this to her.
So that pain turned into self-directed anger, leading me to explode, scream like a maniac at the wheel, and nearly crash my car instead.
(By the way, I’ve never told anyone what I just told you).
Our relationships are doomed if we allow others to disrespect our boundaries.
If we don’t make friends with our anger, it could ruin our lives.
Anger is like a searing hot flame. It’s helpful if we know how to wield it.
You start to become the master of anger by doing one simple thing.
Expressing it healthily.
There it is.
Instead of avoiding it…
Say,
“Look, I feel really angry when you say that” or, “I feel really angry right now.”
At this stage, you don’t need anything more.
- You don’t need to FIX the problem.
- You don’t need to go into a big schpiel justifying it.
- You don’t need to excuse the other person with a “but it’s not your fault” bullshit backpedal.
You can just get into the habit of noticing what makes you angry and commit to sharing it with the other person.
Do this … and you will start feeling WAY lighter and FAR more confident with other people.
You might even live longer (many diseases are directly linked with a person’s unwillingness to say NO).
If you're interested in mastering your own emotions, download my free 31-day shadow work journal by going to this page. It's a PDF writing journal that gives you a new high impact writing prompt every single day.
Master your anger. Or it will master you.
Hope that helps,
Oliver