Alright, brother.
We’re getting real today.
If women in your life consistently disrespect you, undermine your decisions, weaponize your vulnerability, or use sex as control, this video might sting... but it could change everything.
You’re unconsciously attracting these kinds of dynamics into your life.
It’s not your fault. This pattern was programmed into you from a young age.
It’s the pattern of being the “nice guy.”
Today, we’re going to dismantle that programming and show you a new way of being with women so you can inspire trust, devotion, respect, and real desire from healthy, grounded partners.
If this is your first time here, I’m Oliver. I’m a men’s coach, writer, and retreat leader who helps men become confident leaders in life, love, and relationships.
Let’s start with the signs of a dysfunctional relationship and see if any of these hit home.
Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship
In my own life and in my work with clients over the last few years, I’ve seen a lot of patterns emerge when a relationship becomes emotionally unbalanced.
Here are a few of the most common ones:
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She disrespects you, either in public or private
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She takes control and starts to “mother” you
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She criticizes and judges you often
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Sex and affection become rewards or punishments
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She uses your vulnerability against you
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You constantly feel anxious, drained, or like you're never enough
These aren’t random. And they’re not just bad luck.
They’re symptoms of a deeper pattern you’ve probably been running your whole life.
How the Nice Guy Pattern Attracts Wounded Women
Not all women are emotionally unstable or manipulative.
But the Nice Guy pattern creates the perfect conditions for emotionally wounded partners to enter and thrive.
Here’s why:
Wounded women are often navigating their own chaos. They’ve learned to seek control, emotional intensity, or external validation as a way to feel safe.
And the Nice Guy, with his fear of conflict and craving for approval, becomes the perfect match for that.
When you avoid setting boundaries, suppress your assertiveness, and constantly try to keep the peace, you create a dynamic where leadership is absent. In that vacuum, she takes control. Not because she wants to, but because someone has to.
To a grounded woman, that kind of passivity feels off. Like something's missing.
But to a woman who hasn't yet anchored herself emotionally, it can feel familiar, even comfortable, because she gets to steer the emotional ship.
The problem is, it doesn’t lead to intimacy. It leads to power struggles, confusion, and emotional volatility.
You end up in a relationship where you're constantly chasing her approval, second-guessing yourself, and slowly losing your sense of self.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
I used to attract this kind of dynamic over and over again. I felt like a little boy craving my mother's approval. I felt powerless. And at the time, I didn’t know how to escape it.
But once I saw the pattern, I was able to change it.
What You Actually Want
What you want isn't emotional drama. It’s a relationship where you feel respected, relaxed, powerful, and loved for who you truly are.
You absolutely can have that. But it starts with changing yourself.
You may not be the cause of the chaos, but you are the solution.
And the solution is stepping into healthy masculine leadership.
Becoming the kind of man who naturally attracts grounded, emotionally mature women. The kind of man who no longer unconsciously invites emotional chaos into his relationships.
So let’s talk about what healthy masculine leadership actually looks like, and how you can begin practicing it in your life right now.
The Three Pillars of Healthy Masculine Leadership
Healthy masculine leadership is the ability to lead yourself and others with presence, clarity, emotional maturity, and integrity.
A lot of men confuse leadership with control. But control is about fear. Leadership is about direction, self-respect, and creating safety.
And for many women, especially women who are emotionally mature and ready for love, that kind of grounded leadership is exactly what they crave, even if they’ve never been able to articulate it.
Here are the three core pillars of masculine leadership that shift everything in your relationships:
1. Emotional Non-Reactivity
Emotional non-reactivity means staying calm, grounded, and present when she’s in emotional chaos.
Let’s say your partner starts venting and says something like, “You never listen to me.”
The Nice Guy panics. He takes it personally and says, “What do you mean? I’m always here for you.” Or he shuts down and goes quiet to avoid making it worse.
But a grounded man does something different. He takes a breath. He doesn’t get defensive or disappear. He sees that she’s not attacking him, she’s just dysregulated.
He might say, “I hear you. You’re right to feel overwhelmed. I’m here. We’ll figure this out.”
That moment where he doesn’t flinch is everything. She feels his presence. And she calms down.
2. Structure and Containment
Structure and containment is about leading the emotional frame of the relationship.
Nice Guys often avoid making decisions because they’re afraid of being “too much” or “controlling.” But when you don’t lead, she has to. And over time, she resents it.
A grounded man brings clarity and direction.
Let’s say she says, “I don’t know what I feel like doing this weekend…”
The Nice Guy says, “We can do whatever you want.”
The grounded man says, “Let’s go for Thai on Saturday, and if you still feel low energy, we can just chill on Sunday.”
That’s structure. That’s leadership.
It’s not about control. It’s about presence and clarity. And it allows her to relax.
3. Safety
When you bring emotional steadiness and structure into your relationship, the natural result is safety.
Not safety in the sense of being soft or passive. But the kind of grounded presence that allows her to exhale and feel held.
Nice Guys try to create safety by being agreeable and avoiding conflict. But that doesn’t build trust. It builds pressure. Because if you don’t feel secure in yourself, she won’t feel secure around you.
True safety comes from this energy:
“I can handle myself. I can handle you. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not losing myself either.”
It says you don’t need to manage me, and I won’t punish you for being human.
And when she feels that, the testing stops. Respect begins. Desire returns.
If you want my personal support in stepping into healthy masculine leadership and finally attracting women who meet you with respect, depth, and desire you can apply to work with me privately.
Click here to learn more & apply
Stay courageous
Oliver
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