Alright, mate
If you feel invisible to women… this might be why.
I was on a call with a new client last week, Gregg.
He came to me because he wanted to improve his confidence and gain some control over his chaotic and inconsistent dating life.
Gregg is in his early 40s.
Handsome, in shape and a top 5% earner.
(He ticks all the “red pill approved” bullshit boxes).
But to the women he really wants… he feels invisible. Like he doesn’t exist.
“It’s been this way since I was 15,” he told me.
“I watched everyone in my school grow up, get girlfriends, get married… but it’s like I got stuck. I still feel like a kid looking for approval.”
Gregg’s had a few relationships… but only with women he wasn’t truly into.
“I thought I could never do any better, so I just stayed because I was afraid of being alone,” he said.
And every time, it ended the same way.
She slowly loses respect. And then the attraction dies.
And he’s left wondering what went wrong.
As Gregg’s telling me all this, I see it.
I see it all the time in my work as a men’s coach.
The dissociated eyes.
That glazed-over look in a man’s face that screams…
“I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t know who I am.”
It’s like he’s not even completely in the room.
On my side of the screen, I know what this is.
Gregg experienced a shit ton of “micro-traumas” growing up…probably from his caregivers or people at school… and his nervous system froze as a way to cope.
And it never fully unfroze.
He’s still stuck in the same fear state he was in as a boy or teenager.
That’s why he still feels like a kid on the inside.
So I bring this up and ask him…
“Gregg… can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he says.
“What do you feel right now?”
He pauses.
“Not much. I don’t know what I feel. I don’t think I feel anything.”
Bingo.
That right there is what women are picking up on in Gregg.
The more attractive the woman, the more Gregg freezes (as he later admitted)…
And the more frozen he is, the less relaxed and open she feels in his presence.
Because that dissociated freeze is contagious.
When a woman feels it, her body tenses up too.
The man doesn’t notice it. The woman doesn’t explain it.
And she pulls away to protect herself.
This sabotages the interaction… the relationship… even the marriage.
That’s the root of why Gregg feels invisible.
Because if you can’t feel you…
She can’t feel you.
And if she can’t feel you, she won’t trust you.
She won’t soften with you.
She won’t be drawn to you in that magnetic, instinctive way.
Most guys think they need status, “game,” or more money.
But real charisma and that magnetic masculine presence come from being 1000% comfortable in your own skin.
And that starts with being in your body.
Not stuck in your head, numbing out or overthinking constantly.
If you want women to feel you…
You have to feel yourself first.
Always remember…
One of the biggest turn-ons for a woman is your grounded, calming presence .. and it always will be.
But how do we unfreeze and build that grounded, calming presence?
You have to loosen your grip on thinking…
And start tuning into your emotions and intuition.
This is not a quick fix.
If you’ve been frozen for decades, you can’t expect to thaw out in a day.
For example, over the next 6 months, Gregg will go through that process.
Unprocessed emotions will surface… grief, sadness, rage.
We’re prepared for it all. (Nothing fazes me at this point.)
With guided practices, he’ll begin to reconnect with himself.
Each week on our calls, I challenge him to stay deeply present in his body as we dismantle the beliefs, fears, and emotional blocks keeping him stuck.
And at some point in that journey, we meet in person.
It’s a 2-day private retreat in the woods… a masculine initiation I offer to clients on the full 6-month path.
It’s not easy. No hero’s journey is.
But afterwards, he will not be the same man.
The fear of rejection will be replaced by a calm, grounded (and even playful) confidence.
The dissociated freeze will be gone… replaced by effortless self-expression.
And the “nice guy” mask will melt away…as his unfuckwithable, authentic self finally emerges.
He’ll become the kind of man his ideal woman is craving.
And the truth is … that man was always there under the surface.
The same applies to you.
If you’re ready to go through your own masculine rite of passage, you can book a call with me here.
P.S. I only take on a small number of clients for this journey. If this resonates, don’t sit on it too long.
Stay courageous,
Oliver