Back in college, I was lonely and single.
Every other guy was getting girlfriends, dating and banging like crazy.
But I was functionally invisible to women.
As soul-crushing as this was, it did present a useful opportunity.
From the sidelines, I could observe and learn which guys were the most successful with women and why.
And the guy who consistently had women chasing him was my friend Dan.
Women would go crazy for this guy. He even had women fighting over him.
Now, the mental image in your head of Dan is probably a super tall, dark, handsome ripped dude. An adonis-like figure.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
- He wasn’t tall.
- He wasn’t ripped.
- He didn’t have a strong jawline.
In fact, he looked a lot like Robin Williams.
Now, I’m not saying that becoming more attractive by working on your fashion and fitness doesn’t help. It definitely does.
But in Dan’s case, it didn’t matter in the slightest.
And I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
So I started studying Dan to try and figure out what it was that attracted women to him in such a powerful way.
And after a while, I figured out the things that made Dan so attractive to women.
And here they are.
How To Be More Attractive
#1 - He wasn’t ashamed of himself
Let me ask you a question.
If you had a micro-penis, would you want other people to know?
If you’re anything like most men, including me, you’d want to keep that to yourself.
But here’s the thing about Dan. He wasn’t like most men.
In addition to the other stuff that made him conventionally unattractive.
He had a very very small member.
And after getting pantsed one time in high school, everyone knew about it.
This would be social suicide to most people.
But rather than hide it in shame. Dan wore it like a badge of honour.
- He would often be the first to mention it.
- He laughed about it to himself and with other people.
- A couple of times he even showed people who were curious (which I don’t advise).
Pretty soon, nobody could use it against him.
And he accidentally became the most confident guy in college.
Women were all over him.
It was genius really.
It makes me think of that quote from Tyrion in Game Of Thrones.
“Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and it can never be used to hurt you”
#2 - He had a strong reality
One morning I climbed on the college bus.
Dan always liked to sit in the backseat upper deck.
Today, he was like a king holding court with everyone listening to him speak.
As I sat down I wondered what he was talking about to get everyone interested.
After about 30 seconds I learned what it was. And I couldn’t believe it.
“T-41b power armour is shit, but you only get it later in the game”
He was talking about Fallout 3 for god’s sake. A goddamn video game.
How could he captivate an audience including beautiful girls by talking about a geeky video game?
Easy answer.
His reality was strong as hell.
- He knew what he liked.
- He knew what he enjoyed doing.
- He invited people into his world.
And he didn’t care if people didn’t approve.
It wasn’t about the specifics that attracted people to him.
It was more about how un-apologetically he owned his reality.
This is the secret of pretty much every influential person in history.
The man with the strongest reality is the most attractive man in the room.
#3 - He wasn’t afraid to feel things
Most men are afraid of feeling things, especially in the company of other people.
This is one of the things I noticed in college.
- They always looked stiff and uncomfortable.
- Their voice was suppressed and quiet like a mouse.
- They pulled awkward facial expressions as if they were trying to stifle an emotion.
- They even moved in weird ways.
It sounds mean but their whole vibe was pretty cringe.
Unsurprisingly, these were the guys whom women seemed to avoid like the plague.
At this point, you can probably guess that Dan did the opposite.
It’s hard to describe but you could just tell he was totally comfortable with whatever he was feeling.
It’s like he had no inner conflict.
When he found something funny, he laughed his ass off.
When you asked how are you, he’d usually say something like “I’m pretty nervous for this exam”
This authenticity made women trust him and feel safe around him.
The things that make a man socially cringe are usually a result of unprocessed emotional wounds and an unhealthy upbringing.
Shadow work is the best method I’ve ever used to overcome this.
If you need help, check out my 1:1 mentorship programme that helps men build deep and lasting self-confidence.
I appreciate you, mate.
See you next week.
Oliver.