Alright, mate… story time.
As I walked into the Latin bar for my salsa class in Lisbon last night, I locked eyes with an incredibly beautiful woman.
A Latona with dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin with a cute accent (my weakness).
It was only us who arrived this early for the class.
As we talked, Maria seemed like the sweetest woman you have ever met on the surface.
But I felt an uneasy feeling in my chest.
A slight contraction. Something I’ve learned to trust, especially when it comes to people.
After about ten minutes the instructor and the rest of the students arrived.
We began the class and things went on smoothly.
Until I was paired up with Maria.
We made horrific dance partners.
As the man I am the leader. That’s how it goes in Latin dance most of the time.
But Maria was having none of it.
The instructor advised her to relax and follow my lead.
Maria flashed the instructor a look of defiant anger.
As she attended to the other students, Maria turned to me and said, “I don’t get why I have to follow you just because you are a man but okay.”
Suddenly it made sense.
That contraction I felt earlier was my subconscious picking up something that didn’t match the sweetness she showed on the surface.
She resented being the follower.
And even more so because I was a man.
This .. is a HUGE red flag for me.
But I didn’t need to diagnose her or know her life story.
Because my boundaries and standards are rock solid.
In that moment, despite her physical beauty, I firmly shut the door on pursuing her romantically.
Now imagine if I had ignored those signals.
Imagine if I had pursued her, dated her and even married her.
It is entirely possible that those red flags I felt when I first met her would eventually hit the surface with serious consequences.
I work with men all the time who have gone through soul-crushing divorces with women who seemed sweet … until they weren’t.
So what I want you to take from this is simple:
Do not be fooled by physical beauty.
Have more filters when dating women.
The closer she gets to your life, the stronger your filters need to become.
Your life shouldn’t just be open to any beautiful woman who wants a piece of it.
That’s what standards are for.
And most importantly, listen to your gut.
As men we tend to overthink and under-feel.
But your intuition is one of the most powerful tools you have.
Slow down, tune in and trust what your body is telling you.
Your future depends on it.
If you want to become the kind of man who trusts his gut, sets boundaries effortlessly, and attracts women who respect him, Pleaser to Leader is where we build that.
It’s 12 weeks of deep coaching and real-world action.
Stay courageous,
Oliver