Do you avoid conflict and confrontation?
I used to avoid it like the plague.
And it's absurd, because by that point I'd already had three MMA fights.
One where I knocked a man unconscious. I knew how to fight.
But confrontation in a conversation? That scared the crap out of me.
So I'd lie to people and tell them everything was fine when it wasn't.
I'd let people walk all over me, especially whoever I was dating at the time.
Here's what I realize now that I didn't know back then:
Avoiding conflict is the slow death of your self-respect.
Every time I avoided setting a boundary, speaking up for myself, or communicating a need directly, I was telling myself that I didn't matter.
To anyone else. Especially to myself.
That other people were somehow more important than me.
Is it any mystery why my self-esteem and confidence with women and in general were in the shitter?
But here's the most ridiculous part:
I avoided conflict because I thought it would destroy the relationship and lead to an escalation I couldn't handle.
What I wish I understood back then is that handling conflict is actually simple.
It's a skill you can learn.
When I learned it, difficult conversations became easy.
I didn't become an asshole. The opposite happened.
Because I wasn't carrying around this anvil of resentment for everybody, I became a better boyfriend, brother, son, and man in general.
My relationships got dramatically better.
I started going to sleep easily at night because I wasn't replaying a shit-ton of conversations in my head or dreading some future one.
And one woman I was dating went from being this harsh ice queen to being a soft little sleepyhead because she could “relax and trust” that I had everything handled.
My only regret is that I didn't learn this skill sooner.
That's why on Sunday, May 31, I'm running a live workshop called "Kill The Nice Guy."
As part of the workshop, we'll dive into handling difficult conversations like a grounded, assertive man, without passively people-pleasing or posturing into some asshole who pushes everyone away.
And when you become a man who's capable of saying the difficult thing and navigating the topics that other people don't dare to?
You become a man others respect, admire, and desire.
So if you're done avoiding conflict and ready to become a man women naturally respect and desire….
See you on Sunday.
Oliver
PS: The workshop is live on Sunday, May 31. If you miss it, I don’t know when I’ll run another one.
