I'm stood in the supermarket deciding which cheese to buy when it happens.

It always happens when you don't expect it.

A beautiful woman appears.

She's inspecting the avocados.

Blonde hair, slim figure, green eyes.

As I stand there gawping, she looks up and smiles at me.

My heart starts pounding. Excuses start running through my mind.

"She's just being friendly."

"You're going to make her uncomfortable if you go and say hi."

But that voice is just trying to protect me from the unknown.

And there are few things worse than being a coward.

Rejection isn't one of them.

So I pluck up the courage and put one foot in front of the other until I'm standing a few feet from her.

Her eyes drift up from the avocados and into mine.

A mixture of warmth and curiosity on her face.

"Excuse me, I know this is forward, but I just noticed yo—"

"I know. I noticed you too," she says, smiling.

This is easier than I expected.

Anya and I chat for a little while before I invite her out for a drink that evening.

She agrees.

We part ways, and I walk off with a rush of strutting self-confidence (like a lobster who's just won a fight).

And yet, I can't shake a weird feeling about her.

Something that becomes clear later that day.

When we're sorting out plans on WhatsApp, she says:

"You should pick me up and drop me off."

This is the first moment that makes me pause.

But I agree anyway.

Old habits. Some part of me still wants to be chosen.

I pull up outside her apartment that night.

She's 15 minutes late coming out.

I'm expecting some acknowledgement. A "sorry" or a "thanks for waiting."

Nada.

And I say nothing.

Not a great start, but let's see what happens.

We pull up to the bar. A nice spot by the beach to watch the sunset.

As we sit down, she starts telling me about all the interactions she's had with people over the past couple of days.

And I notice a couple of patterns.

She loves to talk about spiritual concepts.

And she loves telling me stories about men adoring her.

"Look. The owner of my hostel just gave me this bracelet," she says.

"And men do that often? Just shower you with gifts?" I ask.

"Haha, yes. All the time. They have good taste and know how to treat a lady," she says, without a hint of irony.

Jesus Christ.

She's physically stunning, and I can see people all around the bar noticing her.

But entitlement is one of my biggest turn-offs.

We're already on thin ice, but I decide to make the conversation a little more interesting.

"Anya, do you want to try something with me? It's a fun exercise I like to do to get to know someone."

"Oh? Okay, let's do it," she says, unaware of how uncomfortable things could get.

The game is called the Noticing Game.

I play it in my online men's groups. It helps you get to know someone fast.

The rules are simple.

For 60 seconds, you say out loud whatever you notice in this moment.

Thoughts. Feelings. Observations. Anything at all.

The only rule is that it has to be something you notice right now.

No getting lost in stories.

(Is it a lot to spring on someone on a first date? Probably. But it tells you more in one minute than small talk does in an hour.)

I go first.

"Anya, I notice I'm self-conscious about how my hair looks."

"I notice the reflection of the ceiling lights in your eyes."

"I notice a tension in my abdomen."

"I notice I'm finding it hard to connect with you."

She seems to enjoy watching me reveal myself.

… until it's her turn.

The warmth on her face turns to panic.

"Erm… I notice how amazing and magical the world is."

"I can see the beach and it looks great."

"I wonder how long those fishing boats have been out there."

Plenty of people freeze the first time they play. That's normal.

But this is different.

The moment the game asks her to look inward, she floats off somewhere pretty and far away. Same as she's done all evening.

And suddenly, it clicks.

This woman is a princess.

In Jungian psychology, a woman who's still emotionally stuck in adolescence is called a "Puella Aeterna" — the Eternal Girl.

The male version is the Puer Aeternus, the eternal boy, and it's something I've talked about a lot on my channel.

That's what I couldn't put my finger on earlier.

I don't feel like I'm talking to a real human being.

I feel like I'm talking to a fairy, a pixie, or some mythical princess.

She floats through life above her own vulnerable humanity, showered with gifts by adoring princes.

And despite being a grown woman, she feels entitled to me picking her up and dropping her off.

As though I'm her private charioteer.

I don't say that to mock her.

Most princesses have just never been given a reason to grow up (trauma also plays a big part).

But the realisation hits me, and whatever enthusiasm I have left drains out of my body.

We wrap up the date.

I drop her off, then text her to say I enjoyed meeting her but didn't feel it.

Here's the thing…

A previous version of me would have been intimidated by her beauty.

I would have seen her as a chance to prove my worth through her validation.

And I would have been an insecure mess who would have scrambled to see her again.

Because I was still a boy.

I’m not perfect. The boy part of me still agreed to be her driver and sat quietly while she kept me waiting.

The difference is, this time he wasn't the one in charge.

I'm not looking for a princess anymore.

I'm looking for a real woman who isn't scared of her own shadow.

A queen who's doing the work on herself.

Princesses are enticing, youthful, and carry an energy that can be deeply alluring.

But like the sirens in The Odyssey, that energy can be the doom of a man's potential.

(countless men marry a princess and it turns out exactly as you’d expect).

So let me leave you with this…

Think about the women you've dated, past or present.

Are they princesses? Or are they queens?

And what might that say about you?

Because whether we like it or not, the way women show up in our lives says a lot about who we are as men.

Both the kind of women we invite in, and the behaviour we tolerate.

I'm still developing that second part myself.

If you want to go deeper on the Puer Aeternus, I made a full video on it here.

Stay courageous,

Oliver