During the early stages of my nice guy syndrome recovery, I had a really bad habit.

I was a fucking yes man.

Here’s how that looked…

My girlfriend: Ollie, let’s go on holiday!
Me: Sounds great!
(I did NOT want to go on holiday.)

My alcoholic father: Grab me a bottle of wine from the shop please, Ollie.
Me: Will do.
(I hated doing that.)

Some random guy I didn’t particularly like: We should go for dinner sometime.
Me: Sure, let’s do that.
(I didn’t want to.)

It didn’t matter what it was.

If somebody asked me to do something, I would immediately say yes.

I call this the knee-jerk yes.

Before I’d even checked whether I wanted to do it, I’d already agreed.

My time and energy went towards things I didn’t want to do.

And then I’d feel frustrated, resentful, and exhausted.

If you can relate to that, here's something that helped me.

For the next seven days, you’re going to run an experiment.

You’re going to refuse to say yes to any request or invitation without giving yourself space before you reply.

Three breaths, and let the silence be there for a moment.

It might be awkward. It might be weird. I don’t give a shit.

Take three breaths.

Someone asks, “Can you do this for me?” or “Do you want to meet?”

Say, “Give me a moment.”

Breathe.

Give yourself a chance to notice whether you actually want to say yes.

If the answer is no:

“Appreciate the invite. I’m not feeling it right now.”

If you don’t know yet:

“You know what, I’m not sure right now. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

Then follow through and give them an answer.

Carve out some space for yourself. Because you don’t owe ANYONE an immediate answer.

And you definitely don’t owe anyone your time or energy by default.

They are valuable resources and deserve more consideration than an automatic yes to anyone who wants it.

Practise this and you will have way more energy and be spending a lot more of your time doing the things you actually want to do.

Respect yourself first.

Give it a go.

Stay courageous.

Oliver