Alright, mate.
I used to be a nice guy or a people pleaser.
This meant there was a skill nobody taught me that I simply wasn't doing.
And when I learned it, the way women responded to me drastically and permanently changed.
That skill is leadership.
Whereas what I was doing before (and what most men do without realizing it) was permission-seeking.
Here’s the difference:
Leadership is asking her out directly, with a plan, a time, a place.
“I want to check out this new Ramen place. Are you free on Wednesday at 7:30pm?”
Instead of permission-seeking which might sound like:
"What do you want to do? What's your favourite restaurant? What days are you free?"
Now, I'm not saying never ask questions or learn her preferences .. obviously.
I'm talking about the energy behind it.
If it's permission-seeking, you're waiting and avoiding expressing an intention, an interest, or a decision because you're afraid of her reaction.
Leadership is also staying strong in your convictions when she challenges them.
Not collapsing or becoming a chameleon who takes on her opinions because it's more comfortable in the moment.
It's making your romantic interest known.
Going for the kiss when you feel it and you're reading the signals.
Taking the emotional risk and moving things forward without waiting for her to make you feel safe first.
It's being a man with a spine.
A man who knows himself.
Not a boy in a man's body, waiting to be managed or mothered.
And I'm not shaming you here, mate.
The nice guy programming was installed when you were a kid.
It was baked into your system before you ever had a chance to contest it.
It's not your fault (and I’m not blowing smoke up your ass by saying that btw).
But it is your responsibility now.
The way your relationships with women shape up in the next 12 months is, from this point onwards, entirely your fault.
But let’s get back to leadership.
Because here's what I’ve come to believe when I started embodying this: the majority of women deeply crave this from a man.
On a level most of them are too afraid to even mention, maybe because they've lost faith in men to provide it.
And here’s a bit of proof that taking the lead lights her up…
And this isn’t all about her. I felt better when I started taking the lead, too.
No more bullshitting, shrinking or performing.
Just taking command of my own life, doing my thing un-apologetically and inviting a woman to join me, or jump off the bus if it’s not for her (no hard feelings).
When I started doing that in my life, women went from being cold, indifferent or even difficult…
To being respectful, loving and affectionate.
So if you want to I want you to stop pleasing and start authentically leading.
If you want to get my solid input on what’s been blocking your connection, intimacy and confidence with women, I've opened up something new:
The Unmasking Session.
In this single session, we'll uncover what’s really holding you back the most, what skills you need to learn and the 1 - 3 things you need to focus on in the next 3-6 months to get unstuck.
You’ll leave with a roadmap of exactly what you need to do to make the rest of 2026 the year your dating life and relationships finally turned around.
And there’s no 3-month commitment.
If you decide to work with me going forward, I’ll deduct the cost of the session from whatever package you go with.
And if you can’t find a time, reply to this email and we’ll sort something out.
Stay courageous,
Oliver
