Alright, mate.

There's a belief that's costing you right now.

Love, intimacy, connection, companionship, belonging.

All the stuff that makes life even remotely worth it.

I know it's costing you, because it cost me for a decade.

Here it is:

"I'll get into a relationship, I'll show up in connection with people, when I've done enough work on myself."

It's a sneaky one.

It sounds noble.

Rational, even.

But it rests on two faulty assumptions.

Both are wrong.

Here's what I've come to realise.

The deepest healing, the deepest work we can do, doesn't happen in isolation.

It happens through connection with other people.

And not just women.

Friends, community, family.

It's about how you show up, and how willing you are to step in, be real, be authentic, and look in the mirror.

Because other people are the mirror.

When I let go of that belief, it set me free.

It meant I could finally let my messy self be seen.

I didn't have to wait until every issue and neurosis was healed.

You could do that work for six decades and still be at it.

We don't have to wait until we're fixed, lads.

We don’t have to delay showing up until we're perfect, because we're not, and we never will be.

You are worthy of love and belonging ALREADY (even if the dickhead in your brain doesn’t let you believe it).

So approach that woman today as your messy self.

Tell a friend how you’re really doing.

Have the courage to share that compliment with a stranger, regardless of how it goes.

Do it all, as your messy self.

And you’ll finally give yourself the chance to be seen, known and loved AS the fookin’ amazing mess that you will always be.

So let me ask you:

What's one thing you tend to hide from people? Would you be willing to share it?

Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.

Stay courageous,

Oliver