May 21

The Disastrous Duo: Passive Father, Controlling Mother


In this article, I'm talking about something that lies at the core of why so many men are struggling today.

We're going deep.

First, let me ask you a few things…

  • Do you feel lost in life or anxious?
  • Do you lack passion, focus and direction?
  • Do you have poor boundaries and people please?
  • Do you feel a sense of apathy or numbness in life?
  • Are you a nice guy who struggles to assert himself in his relationships?
  • Do you have issues in sex?

These are just a few problems I encounter in men every day.

So why does this happen? Why is it that so many men struggle to mature into healthy adults? Why are some of us still stuck in the nursery?

There’s one reason I keep coming across.

Let me put this to you point blank and see if it resonates.

Your father was passive.

And your mother was controlling, smothering and overbearing.

This dynamic destroys a man’s life force energy.

Here’s how.

You never had a healthy role model for what a confident, self-respecting man looks like.

Your father was a quiet, numb and impotent man. 

As a result, this is what you modelled and became.

And because of your father’s passivity, your mother took over the masculine role in the house.

This is not her natural state. It’s exhausting for a woman to remain in her masculine for too long. 

Over time, she became harsh, critical and overbearing because she lost contact with her feminine softness.

This gave you the message growing up that relationships with women are painful.

But here’s another issue that passive fathers create…

They stop meeting the emotional needs of the mother. 

When that happens, she’ll start unconsciously hooking up to you for her emotional supply.

This creates an emotional umbilical cord between you.

A relationship that’s stifling, constricting and suppressing. If she needs you for her well-being, she won’t let you go so easily.


You become mummy’s little boy.

If you’re still this way as an adult, this absolutely destroys your potential.

Many men go to their graves never having fully lived because psychologically they're still sucking their mother’s tit.

He can’t fully commit to another woman.

He feels guilty if he “leaves the nest” and becomes his own man (not her little boy).

And projecting that relationship onto ALL women, he’s terrified of a woman’s rejection, disapproval and conflict.

If you want to become a strong, loving and dominant man in relationships, sex and life.

You need to cut the umbilical cord and energetically separate from your mother.

Here are a few way you can do that which I'll expand on in a future article.

1. Start asserting yourself

If you're enmeshed with your mother, it's likely you have weak boundaries in your relationship with her. Start to cut the umbilical chord by speaking up when she does things you aren't happy with.

2. Become independent

It's almost impossible to cut the chord when you're dependent on your parents. Prioritise financial and location independence. Make money. Move out. Period.

3. Learn to handle your anxiety

Stepping up and becoming your own man will possibly trigger some deep fear in you. Her influence, however flawed, has been a safety blanket up to this point. Letting it go will be scary.

In addition, your mother may resist or even attempt to prevent you setting boundaries. She might criticize or guilt trip. 

If you can't handle intense emotions like this, you'll cave and be trapped in her influence again. 

4. Prioritise connecting with other men

Connecting with other men can help you reverse the damage done by the passive father and give you a model for what healthy masculinity looks like.

Being around masculine energy will help you develop the edge you need to break free from her influence.

It's time to become your own man ...

If you experienced this dynamic growing up, it was a major setback. But you can absolutely heal and move on. It won't be easy, but it will absolutely be worth it. 

It's time to become your own man. 

If you want the fastest path for getting there, check out the coaching page for options for how to work with me.


confident man, controlling mother, disastrous duo, overbearing mother, passive father

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